14 July 2009

A Wing and a Prayer

Ken Hoffman, I have a Wing to pick with you!

I read your absolutely gushing review of Wendy’s new boneless Asian wings.

found here:



Ken, I have but one question for you. Have you ever actually EATEN CHINESE FOOD? One can’t help but wonder if perhaps you have only heard tales of Chinese food, but have never consumed it yourself.

Did you eat the same Americanized lumps of poultry that I did? With one bite I knew I had been had. I sat there looking forlornly at the deceptive chunks and thought, “these are McNuggets in sauce”. And a BLAND sauce at that.

Now I will admit, just for the sake of literary and culinary transparency, that I cook with SPICE AND FLAVOUR, so that may have been my downfall. I use curry, cumin and herbs of all sort. So, I may be a bit biased in the flavor department as I demand that my food, you know, has some.

Mr. Hoffman, the only recommendation I can make at this point is the rapid ingestion of some P.F. Chang’s Kung Pao Chicken.

It’s the only thing that can save you.