02 March 2008

Something is probably terribly wrong when........

......you realize that you have no use for the fancy butter knife because you use a regular one like an uncouth caveman. (GEICO commercial, here we come!)

......you think to yourself, “why is that lampshade so dusty? I could swear that I dusted it not even three months ago”.

...... you sweep out under the couch and loveseat and find more toys than the ones that are in the toybox!

...... your dog eats Cheerios out of the swept up junk under the couch and comes away with dustbunnies in her whiskers.

......you have to sweep your ceiling because it is so dusty. (Whose big idea was the popcorn ceiling, anyway? Now I know that walking into a house with a backpack full of gunk that you are gonna shoot onto a ceiling must feel like BIG FUN, but the result is gross, especially when a mom is trying to demonstrate centrifugal force with a bottle of hot fudge sauce and the cap may have not been on just as tight as it could have been and perhaps hot fudge sauce released in a perfect and beautiful arc as it exited the bottle, covering the ceiling, cabinets, children and canine in brown blobs of chocolatey goodness. I mean, IF that were to happen it could cause a person to have a deep seated loathing for popcorn ceilings. And I’m just guessing here that cleaning something like that up could be frustrating because the chocolate would get stuck in all the little popcorn grooves and perhaps could entice the mother into filling an old syrup bottle with soapy water and shooting it at the ceiling and maybe she would rinse it by pointing the sink sprayer heavenward while the water was running full force, thereby being a bad influence on her own children. )

But, of course, this is all pure speculation.