14 December 2007

Denial is a stupid word

I now hate, loathe and despise this word.

My brother was diagnosed this week with Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease. He has 3-6 months to live. If you knew my brother at all you know that he is so strong and works harder than some men who are half his age. (he is 47, by the way) He is a Certified Arborist and threw trees that were over 200 pounds. Now he can barely walk. His speech is hard to understand.

This disease has robbed us of our Jim so quickly. He knew he was getting sick, but we didn't know exactly what the illness was. Multiple Sclerosis? Lou Gherig's Disease? Parkinson's?

So, back to this word I hate. Every single moment of my day I find myself thinking,"This can't be true, he is so strong" or "I don't think I heard the Dr. correctly, this must be wrong." I told Katy's Girl Scout leader last night about the diagnosis and thought to myself,"Now, why did you just tell her that? I don't think it is true!" And, yes, I've taken Psychology, too, I know that it is denial, but this week it sounds like such a stupid word!!