So, lately mom has been saying that Jake needs a gym class of some sort, some outlet for his energy. But, with my many root canals, surgery costs, upcoming trip to Missouri, I just can't see spending money on anything else. This morning I had the brilliant idea to advertise for a gym class......in our backyard......for a bunch of pre-schoolers. I think that this liquid diet has finally gone to my head! I thought that if we could get a few other pre-school kiddos and kick some balls around the backyard, play in the sandbox, etc. it would be a fun time and FREE!
Now, just as long as I can find some other interested families who won't see me as their free drop-off babysitter! then this can work!
Maybe I'll use that sign that our pediatrician has in her office,"All children left unattended will be given an espresso and a free puppy!"
21 May 2008
02 March 2008
Something is probably terribly wrong when........
......you realize that you have no use for the fancy butter knife because you use a regular one like an uncouth caveman. (GEICO commercial, here we come!)
......you think to yourself, “why is that lampshade so dusty? I could swear that I dusted it not even three months ago”.
...... you sweep out under the couch and loveseat and find more toys than the ones that are in the toybox!
...... your dog eats Cheerios out of the swept up junk under the couch and comes away with dustbunnies in her whiskers.
......you have to sweep your ceiling because it is so dusty. (Whose big idea was the popcorn ceiling, anyway? Now I know that walking into a house with a backpack full of gunk that you are gonna shoot onto a ceiling must feel like BIG FUN, but the result is gross, especially when a mom is trying to demonstrate centrifugal force with a bottle of hot fudge sauce and the cap may have not been on just as tight as it could have been and perhaps hot fudge sauce released in a perfect and beautiful arc as it exited the bottle, covering the ceiling, cabinets, children and canine in brown blobs of chocolatey goodness. I mean, IF that were to happen it could cause a person to have a deep seated loathing for popcorn ceilings. And I’m just guessing here that cleaning something like that up could be frustrating because the chocolate would get stuck in all the little popcorn grooves and perhaps could entice the mother into filling an old syrup bottle with soapy water and shooting it at the ceiling and maybe she would rinse it by pointing the sink sprayer heavenward while the water was running full force, thereby being a bad influence on her own children. )
But, of course, this is all pure speculation.
......you think to yourself, “why is that lampshade so dusty? I could swear that I dusted it not even three months ago”.
...... you sweep out under the couch and loveseat and find more toys than the ones that are in the toybox!
...... your dog eats Cheerios out of the swept up junk under the couch and comes away with dustbunnies in her whiskers.
......you have to sweep your ceiling because it is so dusty. (Whose big idea was the popcorn ceiling, anyway? Now I know that walking into a house with a backpack full of gunk that you are gonna shoot onto a ceiling must feel like BIG FUN, but the result is gross, especially when a mom is trying to demonstrate centrifugal force with a bottle of hot fudge sauce and the cap may have not been on just as tight as it could have been and perhaps hot fudge sauce released in a perfect and beautiful arc as it exited the bottle, covering the ceiling, cabinets, children and canine in brown blobs of chocolatey goodness. I mean, IF that were to happen it could cause a person to have a deep seated loathing for popcorn ceilings. And I’m just guessing here that cleaning something like that up could be frustrating because the chocolate would get stuck in all the little popcorn grooves and perhaps could entice the mother into filling an old syrup bottle with soapy water and shooting it at the ceiling and maybe she would rinse it by pointing the sink sprayer heavenward while the water was running full force, thereby being a bad influence on her own children. )
But, of course, this is all pure speculation.
01 March 2008
Content Move
I started a new blog for my brother. It will be a place for me to drop off all of the journal entries, blog posts and assorted whatnot that I have been writing since he became ill. It is located here:
http://letterstoabrotherdying.blogspot.com/
I have been feeling bad that his illness and death seemed to overtake our family blog and I couldn't figure out how to get it back without invalidating that part of our lives at the same time. So, my solution is linked above. Read it if you want to or stay away from it if you don't want to. Either way it will be there. I want his son (age 2) to have something to read later on when he grows up. He needs to know all the funny, quirky things about his dad that he never got to experience on his own.
http://letterstoabrotherdying.blogspot.com/
I have been feeling bad that his illness and death seemed to overtake our family blog and I couldn't figure out how to get it back without invalidating that part of our lives at the same time. So, my solution is linked above. Read it if you want to or stay away from it if you don't want to. Either way it will be there. I want his son (age 2) to have something to read later on when he grows up. He needs to know all the funny, quirky things about his dad that he never got to experience on his own.
13 February 2008
Please forgive previous post
Somehow I had enabled "transliteration to Malayalam". ???
Anyhoo. I realized the other day that it has been nearly two months since I posted and I have been avoiding it like the proverbial plague. Jim died on January 11, 2008. It is still totally unbelievable. I still can't quite wrap my brain around it and it doesn't seem real. My best friend from high school was visitting last weekend and when I was telling her about how it all happened it seemed as if I was talking about it happening to someone else's brother. At one point I even started feeling sorry for her because I think I tried to talk myself into believing that it was her brother who got sick and died, not mine. I know that I'm not handling this right, but what else do you do? Crawl into a hole and cry?
I have Sociology class tonight which is such a relief! I can just sit and listen and take notes and not have to think about anything else.
Oh, and the retreat is coming up. I cannot TELL you how excited I am to be going!
In other news, Katy asked if she and I could have weekly meetings to discuss things and, so far, we have come up with Barnes & Noble, Just 4 Keeps and Namaste as our meeting spots.
Perfect.
Also, Jake adopted a frog last week. Jake can't quite say his "F"'s just yet, so his name is "Trog".
Anyhoo. I realized the other day that it has been nearly two months since I posted and I have been avoiding it like the proverbial plague. Jim died on January 11, 2008. It is still totally unbelievable. I still can't quite wrap my brain around it and it doesn't seem real. My best friend from high school was visitting last weekend and when I was telling her about how it all happened it seemed as if I was talking about it happening to someone else's brother. At one point I even started feeling sorry for her because I think I tried to talk myself into believing that it was her brother who got sick and died, not mine. I know that I'm not handling this right, but what else do you do? Crawl into a hole and cry?
I have Sociology class tonight which is such a relief! I can just sit and listen and take notes and not have to think about anything else.
Oh, and the retreat is coming up. I cannot TELL you how excited I am to be going!
In other news, Katy asked if she and I could have weekly meetings to discuss things and, so far, we have come up with Barnes & Noble, Just 4 Keeps and Namaste as our meeting spots.
Perfect.
Also, Jake adopted a frog last week. Jake can't quite say his "F"'s just yet, so his name is "Trog".
നോ വോര്ദ്സ് ടോ ടെസ്ക്രിബെ
ഫോര് സോമേ റീസണ് മൈ ബ്ലോഗ് ഈസ് പോസ്റ്റിങ്ങ് ഇന് മലയാളം ദിസ് വീക്ക്. ഐ ടൈപ്പ് ഇന് ഇംഗ്ലീഷ് ആന്ഡ് ഇറ്റ് ഇമ്മെത്യറെലി ട്രന്സ്ലാറെസ് ഇറ്റ് ടോ മലയാളം. പ്ലീസ് ഫോര്ഗിവേ മി ഇഫ് ഐ അം നോട്ട് സ്പീകിന്ഗ് ഓര് വ്രിതിംഗ് ഇറ്റ് കര്രെക്ട്ലി!
22 December 2007
One feeling: PAIN
I realized today that I vacillate between complete numbness and exquisite pain. At times the pain is so real that it feels physical, not just emotional. It seems like a movie is playing over and over in my head. Mom has told me countless times that when I was born Jim was so excited and that he used to come home from school and ask, excitedly, "Is Cyndi awake? Can I wake her up?" In some ways I think that his excitement never waned. He was always so eager to give me advice, even if,.....ahem.......some of it was unwanted. A couple of weeks ago I said to my husband,"who is going to give me all that advice now?!"
I realize that none of this is articulate. I think I have lost that ability at the moment. It seems like all I can say is that this hurts, it's wrong and I'm sad. In real life, I say nothing. I have no desire to engage in conversation. I keep hoping against hope that, sometime soon, someone will come and wake me up and say,"I'm so sorry, we were just playing a joke on you, Jim is fine!" Please, God, make that true! Please make him okay again. Please make him the argumentative, conspiracy-theory-loving, cynical Jim we know and love.
PLEASE!!!
Because, God, I can't breathe while he is dying.
I realize that none of this is articulate. I think I have lost that ability at the moment. It seems like all I can say is that this hurts, it's wrong and I'm sad. In real life, I say nothing. I have no desire to engage in conversation. I keep hoping against hope that, sometime soon, someone will come and wake me up and say,"I'm so sorry, we were just playing a joke on you, Jim is fine!" Please, God, make that true! Please make him okay again. Please make him the argumentative, conspiracy-theory-loving, cynical Jim we know and love.
PLEASE!!!
Because, God, I can't breathe while he is dying.
14 December 2007
Denial is a stupid word
I now hate, loathe and despise this word.
My brother was diagnosed this week with Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease. He has 3-6 months to live. If you knew my brother at all you know that he is so strong and works harder than some men who are half his age. (he is 47, by the way) He is a Certified Arborist and threw trees that were over 200 pounds. Now he can barely walk. His speech is hard to understand.
This disease has robbed us of our Jim so quickly. He knew he was getting sick, but we didn't know exactly what the illness was. Multiple Sclerosis? Lou Gherig's Disease? Parkinson's?
So, back to this word I hate. Every single moment of my day I find myself thinking,"This can't be true, he is so strong" or "I don't think I heard the Dr. correctly, this must be wrong." I told Katy's Girl Scout leader last night about the diagnosis and thought to myself,"Now, why did you just tell her that? I don't think it is true!" And, yes, I've taken Psychology, too, I know that it is denial, but this week it sounds like such a stupid word!!
My brother was diagnosed this week with Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease. He has 3-6 months to live. If you knew my brother at all you know that he is so strong and works harder than some men who are half his age. (he is 47, by the way) He is a Certified Arborist and threw trees that were over 200 pounds. Now he can barely walk. His speech is hard to understand.
This disease has robbed us of our Jim so quickly. He knew he was getting sick, but we didn't know exactly what the illness was. Multiple Sclerosis? Lou Gherig's Disease? Parkinson's?
So, back to this word I hate. Every single moment of my day I find myself thinking,"This can't be true, he is so strong" or "I don't think I heard the Dr. correctly, this must be wrong." I told Katy's Girl Scout leader last night about the diagnosis and thought to myself,"Now, why did you just tell her that? I don't think it is true!" And, yes, I've taken Psychology, too, I know that it is denial, but this week it sounds like such a stupid word!!
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